[webvr] Medium post: How can we ensure WebVR is not an off-ramp for the web?
pyalot at gmail.com
Sat Sep 17 13:04:59 UTC 2016
On Sat, Sep 17, 2016 at 6:58 AM, roBman at buildAR.com <roBman at buildar.com>
> I'd love to hear your thoughts...
Original document statistics: 954 words, 4353 characters
1. Strike everything that's a turn of phrase, commonplace,
duplication/repetition, void of information or a lead-in. lead-out,
bridging phrases, self-evident for anybody but the complete outsider,
thoughts, hopes, beliefs, etc.
2. Removing one-sentence paragraph titles
3. Shortening the title and making it not a question
4. Rephrasing such things as "wee see at the moment that something is
..." to "..."
5. Striking superfluous parenthesis
6. Concatenating one-sentence paragraphs
7. Fixing garbled sentence structure
8. Rephrasing some
9. Shortening some more
10. Title seems irrelevant to textual content that's left, removing.
Reworked document: 92 words, 482 characters. quoted below:
*The problem is that WebVR is a separate world. The 2D web becomes a second
> class citizen, to be covered by the polyfill. We should extend WebVR to
> make it a seamless part of the web of the future. *
*We’ve been working our platform for 7 years. It makes VR & AR is to
> billions of capable browsers, and allows for authoring as well. We want to
> create one extended information space where you can seamlessly go from a
> page based model to a spatial model and link to the physical world.*
Critique 1st paragraph: premise not substantiated, no concrete suggestion
Feedback 2nd paragraph: sounds cool.
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